On forgiveness...

So, I didn't get much done yesterday besides my anatomy pre-lab, and now I will suffer today because of it! Lol. I've got to do a review for my chemistry class of chapters 4 and 5 today or else it will never get done, and i also have to focus in class today.

Yesterday I experienced some difficulties... in fact, the entire day had a lot of weight on my shoulders. For some reason or other, my chipper mood just dampened and everything felt like it was coming down at the same time... not just one thing, but others, you know? When all the problems seem to accumulate in one day? Well, I took a sit down with myself (while I was taking a bath, 'cause there is NOTHING like hot water to relax you. I swear, my house will have a huge jacuzzi tub and that will be my escape every night from the world) and thought about forgiveness and what it means. It seems to me that a lot of people seek to forgive others, but never themselves. There seems to be an area of hypocrisy in the world that we look at others faults and love to blame others, but never look inward at our own problems and faults. There were many things that bothered me yesterday as a person about other people, but I also did not step back to look at myself and my actions, and that's what I did while I sort of meditated and asked for God's forgiveness. So I realized that forgiveness goes both ways... before you can forgive someone else, you must also forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, or the path you have led yourself down... for not doing something you wish you had, for the regrets in your life.... everything that holds and weighs you down in life should be forgiven from yourself.

After I thought about this and prayed, I also realized that I want many changes in my life, of which I know only time and God will reveal at the right moment. But, in some of the changes that can be seen immediately, I can't expect them out of someone else unless I expect them of myself. How can you ask someone to run a mile for you when you should be the one running it? So I also made a pact with myself and with God to BE the change I want to see in my life. Instead of waiting around and looking to see when things will change, waiting on another person, I will go ahead and take the initiative and hope that they follow also. And if they don't? Well then I'll come to it at the point in time. I can't rush myself to look for the future when I'm still in the present, but this is also a joint effort from both parties. Unless they try as well, noone will succeed.

So I'm making this change for the better for myself, I'm going to take the intiative, and I'm going to learn to forgive and hope that God can help me make better decisions in my life and help those of whom I seek help from.

:)

I'm off to class, got to go dissect dead people, LOL! Have a good day wherever you are!