Having Faith

Hey everyone,

Well, it is the day before my radiation treatment... am I anxious as hell or whatt!!! I feel a lot of pressure building up inside, but I'm trying to keep centered and focused on God, who seems to be the only one who can calm me down lately LOL. Things have been a little rough, including some fights and some bickering, but I'm trying to get through it and come out victorious, because I'm a trooper and that's what I do!

I spoke to my boyfriend last night, and again today, which surprised me because it didn't seem like he wanted to talk at all. To be honest, we didn't have much of a conversation last night... I basically rambled on and started crying... I suppose all the weight that I've been carrying since Friday finally let loose. He heard me out, although not without a fight and some angry words because my family and myself included are just not happy with the way things are right now... you know, him being gone and all during such a desperate time.

He called me again today, and has told me he'll call me in a bit since they're going to have lunch, but it was such a conversation that just left me worse off than what I was before. I told him to call me back to talk about positive things... i feel like I cannot make any decisions right now about our relationship because I'm just too blinded and too depressed/confused to make a right decision. I'm not capable of doing something reasonable at the moment... I'm upset, I'm not happy, and I'm pretty sure that I'd make the wrong decision down the road. So hopefully he'll call back and we'll talk about positive things, because I don't know when I'll talk to him again.

On other news, it was my first day back at work in a while, and although tiring, was a sort of relief for me. It was a day away from the hospital and the loneliness of it all, and I got to joke around with my coworkers for a bit, play around, and I got some recruiters for the saturday beach day post-surgery. Umm... not much else to comment on. My grandmother is off the morphine and has been sitting. I just got home from work to clean up the animals, feed them, tidy up and now I'm headed over. I think I'll go running around the lake before I come home. Gotta be up at 4 in the morning, and tomorrow will definitely be a no-exercise day, so I think I'm going to go ahead and do a couple laps around the lake in front of the hospital before I come home. I feel the urge to work out, can't dismiss it!!

Anywho, I'll be going now. Gotta get lots of things down and still have to finish taking a bath.

Namaste, and hope everyone is doing well, and keeping the faith!!