Chicharritas

They are so yummy. You gotta be latin to love such fattening foods lol.

I ended up going out last night to my best friend's halloween party... it was tons of fun. I pulled something out of my closet and called myself the modern latin marilyn monroe, for lack of a better term lol. It was a bit short, but ah well. Halloween is the right to where whatever you'd like without being criticized, so who cares. I'd attatch a picture (it really wasn't that bad, just a little short) but I'm too lazy to look it up in my computer right now. It boosted my self confidence a little though... my legs looked amazing :)

I'm studying right now for physics, which I honestly feel like I have no hope for, and therefore, I'm not going to sweat it. I managed to get through a couple of problems, and I understand concepts, so I'm shooting for that C again in this exam... with hardly any studying and not understanding how to work out problems in most of the chapters... but you know what, that's my fault for 1. picking way too many hard classes this semester and 2. for falling behind and not attending class in order to study for my other exams.

So what's the plan for finals week then?

I'm going to start studying as of now. I have a month, and I can take it easy instead of cramming all over the place and feeling pressured to do everything. That way I can actually study for physics, maybe even pull off a B in the final, and end that class with a nice C average, which is passing and all I'm praying for. I should be ending Bio lecture with an A, as well as all of my labs (chem, bio and physics), and hopefully a B in pre-calc and in chemistry as well.

Let me tell you, those grades such ass according to my potential scale, but they're the best I could manage this semester with research going on and various other activities, and not forgetting me time, family time, and boyfriend time.

So I'm going to pat myself on the back for full effort and decent grades, and for not failing any of my classes, and be happy and go on my way for next semester... looking forward to a MUCH better semester really. Bio 2, Chem 2 (as my hardest class), Stats 1, and Advanced Spanish... of course, with all the labs... yep, I'm looking forward to spring :) I thought about adding a parisitology class in there, but I think I'm just going to take it easy.

Have a Happy Halloween wherever you are!!

<3

As usual...

I come onto my blog to complain. I wonder how some of you might see this blog as you pass by... probably be like "WTF is she thinking? She's paranoid all the time about the smallest things... people are dying out there in war and famine, and she's worried about the next grade she'll get in her chemistry class..."

And above all, I agree. I shouldn't be stressing out so much over petty things in life, but unfortunately in the United States, your education determines who you are... no education means you're crap, and high education means you either had money, or worked your ass to get there... and if you do have high education, you're either a failure at it (bad GPA), or a success (good GPA), and if you're good, then they look at your background and history, and if that's clear....

Get my point? The evaluation goes on.

So I'm doing my best to help at least one life out there by promoting this Haiti event... it shoots off in 2 weeks, so I'm very excited. I don't have exams that week, which I'm so very thankful for, so I'm in the clear... in fact, I'm almost halfway through the semester now, thank the Lord.

But I'm still upset. I'm upset that i try my best and bust my butt studying every day (because not a SINGLE DAY goes by that I don't spend 2 hours doing some kind of assignment or studying), and that I manage to at least ace all of my exams in one of my lecture courses (Biology of course, which I love), and I run to tell my mom...

Lo and behold, she questions me about which exam it was, then asks me if thats the reason I've been staying up late or at the library, and the reason she never sees me, and then asks me what was the average, and then says "Oh, an 88... that's a B... that's good"...

...

That 88 was one of the highest scores in my class... it was on the most difficult chapters, dealing with gene expression, genetics and chromosomal inheritance.... and yet, it's "good". I wish she would, for once, not question me and degrade me, and just saying "CONGRATULATIONS, IM SO PROUD OF YOU!".

And then I still my boyfriend, and he doesn't even bother to say congrats, he says "aww". Who the hell says aww to a good grade?

I'm just so frustrated :( I feel like whatever I do to make others happy about me, like my family, never works out... they always want more, and more, and more...

And then I got a into a fight with my boyfriend about something that still bothers me after 2 years, and I can understand his frustration... because it stems from my insecurity and my untrust-yness. I can understand it. And I also understand myself: I don't trust because my family has continually let me down in a lot of things in my life, plus some other things that have happened... but it just bothers me. So I've been trying to communicate to him, the best way I can, and let it out so I don't get upset about it in the long run, but that never works out, and he just... got extremely mad. Not the way I wanted to start off a week, especially when I hadn't seen him in a week and we had been doing so well... he was sending me goodmorning texts every day, calling me princess, and just overall doing cute things for me...

But nope, either I screw it up as always, or something just wasn't good enough.

So I understand what happened. I apologized. I learned to keep all of my shit to myself, and I'm trying to show him that I'm moving forward from the idiotness of the situation, and I'm going to his house to make dinner tonight, and I just feel like he has completely shut me down. He doesn't text me, it takes ME to contact him first for him to talk to me at all. And if I do text him, sometimes he just doesn't respond, or responds with one word. So I'm going over there tonight to cook dinner, and he just isn't enthusiastic at all.

It's like, on my families side, I try my best to impress and to live up to their expectations, and I get shut down immediately.
Then I try to reconcile differences with my boyfriend, and I'm completely shut down there too.

I don't know what else to do... and I know the advice that everyone will give me: stop doing it for others, start doing it for yourself. And let me tell you something, I made that my motto not too long and it worked for a couple of weeks, but it's just the PERSON THAT I AM. I always want to make someone else happy... I always put the needs of others before myself.. and I always end up dissapointed, because I can never live up to what other people think I should be.

I'm just depressed. I think this semester has made it horrible, and then situations at home, and now my relationship, which has been my strong hold for the last couple of months, is crumbling at the edges and I'm panicking because if I don't have anything left, I don't know what i'm going to do with myself.

I need support in my life. I'm human. I need love, and care, and everything else that makes you happy.

I need God.

Gym & Math

Doesn't sound like they match, do they? It's 'cause they don't...

I'm really worried about this precalculus exam. I need to do well, so that the extra credit quiz we take can count towards the exam that I got an F in :( and raise my exam grade to a B. 'Cause I raised my last exam (a C) to a B with the extra credit quiz, so if I raise it again to an A, and I get a high B on this exam, it'll offset that horrible F into a high B, plus my homework will push it up to an A (the homework weighs like one exam grade, thank goodness). Then I just have to worry about my final exam, hopefully pull off minimum a C+, and I'll be in the clear.

Incredible how it's almost the end of the semester already... I feel like it can't come soon enough. I took way too many difficult classes in one semester and have felt so stressed... next semester, I am definitely taking it much easier. Bio 2, Chem 2 (as my hardest class), Stats 1, and Spanish online. I need to raise my GPA and feel a little better about myself, and that way i can also focus on the research I'll be doing in the lab with Dr. Weeks and really hit it off there. Experience is counting more and more every day instead of a degree, so I have to make sure that if I'm not going to graduate with a very high GPA, I graduate with a decent one and lots of experience.

Besides that, I've decided to go back to the gym... I let myself go a little too much since the semester began (of course, all the stress made me head straight for the fattening food), so I'm eating healthy again, and this time, going to the gym as well.... I tend to eat healthy and do nothing else for myself lol, except maybe take the stairs depending on where I park. So let's hope I get into shape and feel better about myself. It was really nice yesterday, after I got out of the gym... I was pumped full of energy and I felt like I could conquer anything (and even got my bio quiz and chem labs done to boot!). So it should improve my self-esteem and help me do better in school.

Anyway, I should get going. I was going to go to a class, but I think what I'll do is go early to the gym and then head to my class to study and do homework before my exam review. The exam is on Thursday, so I have to chip chop on the homework!!

Wish me luck!! :(

And wish the HEAT luck today in their first season game!! TOTALLY watching that! :)

Always Monday.. -.-

Ah well, it's finally exam day. I feel like I'm pretty prepared, considering I spent all weekend studying. I'm looking forward to a solid A in this exam, just like the last one. I mean, it's Bio... not to get cocky, but I'm pretty awesome at the subject.

I just finished bio lab now, the elementary style class... I think that my TA is finally getting the picture that she can't baby us and we can do things on our own... well, most of us. There are some freshman in the class that don't know how to follow instructions, but they have to shape up quickly if they want to survive college. My first semester included microbiology, where you read the instructions and do the experiment yourself, and if you do it wrong, that's your problem. Shouldn't followed the instructions.

After that, I need to do my bio quiz that's due tomorrow, just to get it out of the way, and I want to try and do some extra credit work for mastering chemistry. It's been extended to the end of the semester, and he reopened most of the other assignments, but I know if I don't keep on top of it, I'll fall behind, and December will roll around (just about a month away!) and I'll be scrambling to finish it all. So, gotta get on that.

Other than that, just physics class and chem class to go, and I need to work out... after chem, I'm gonna head to the gym for the treadmill for 15 minutes and then some kind of stair stepper for 15 minutes, and I'll be done with my half hour workout per day. And if I can't make it to the gym, I'll run for 15 minutes around the campus and climb the stairs of the garage twice... but I don't want to do that by myself, at night, so the gym is the only real option for me.

Blah... I forgot about my precalc homework as well, although that has to wait until tonight or tomorrow... I honestly think I'm going to vegetate tonight, maybe make some notecards for precalc, but nothing too crazy.

We'll see... I tend to have things pile up on me. Maybe I'll work on fixing my bio lab report so I can get that out of the way and not have to worry about it over the weekend.

So list for tonight:
-bio quiz
-bio lab report
-some chem extra credit

Yeah... and tomorrow, I'll do my precalc homework.

Sounds good.

Okay, gotta run. I need to go get a table to set up for my haiti drive in November here at school.

<3

Have a good day!!

Don't know anymore?

This day has been so long... and it's just a Saturday. Supposedly a care-free Saturday that I do nothing but lay around, maybe do a load of laundry...

Well, I'm having issues once again with my grandmother and her lies. She told my mom she hadn't gone to the bathroom in 3 days, so my mom confronted her about it and my grandma said it'd because she stopped taking her pills. My mom got upset and told me to talk to her, and when I did, she said that she did stop taking the pills, but she'd gone to the bathroom yesterday and today. My whole problem with this is that I don't know if she's lying or not. She could be telling me that just so I don't worry, or my mom doesn't worry, and in reality she HASN'T gone to the bathroom, meaning she might have cancer again, or she's telling the truth and there isn't any to worry about.

The only thing I can do is monitor her for the next day and hope that I see her go to the bathroom, 'cause if not, I'm going to take her to emergency tomorrow to get a scan and make sure she's not clogged up because of colon cancer again.

I really don't want this to be true, so I'm going to pray and hope to God that she is doing well and nothing is wrong.

:(

And what's funny is, speaking of God, that within the last 2 days, I've made a movement at my school to sponsor a non-profit organization's mission to Haiti for Christmas. I'm talking about getting fraternities and pre-med associations on board with donations, toy drives, raffle incentives and other things to try and raise money for Haiti so that the kids can enjoy a better Christmas, and so that the organization can expand the school that's already built there in order to help the kids out to go to school and get an education. It's really sad that after so many years of the earthquake, Haiti is still suffering and will probably continue to suffer for many more years to come. Devastation is not an easy thing to come out of, but it can get better with help, so I'm hoping for a huge turn out in this charity event.

I managed to get my physics and chemistry homework done, as well as my biology notes finished. I just need to finish reading the last 3 chapters and starting on notecards and probably finishing them tonight.

Tomorrow, I need to take Max out for a walk in the morning because I promised him, head to Macy's to look for an outfit for my mom, then my sister is coming over at 1, in which I'll do some laundry and chitchat with her about the wedding, and around 3 probably start my pre-calc homework and finish studying for my bio exam, and then at 6pm, I have to head to school to do an extra credit video for Chemistry to raise my grade...

I just have way too many things to do honestly.

And I'm really hoping that my grandmother is okay

:(

I trust in you God, that you know what is best.

<3

AHHHHH

I honestly feel so overwhelmed this weekend, I don't know where to start.

First of all, it's Friday. I should be saying this like "ITS FINALLY FRIDAY!" but unfortunately for me, it's just a continuation of the week. I have so many things to do, and I know it's going to take up probably most of my time this weekend to the point where I'll only have time to sleep and maybe go and take my dog out for a walk on Sunday.

Let's see, I have...

Bio lab report (which I'm going to do now)
2 Physics assignements... due by Sunday
1 Chemistry assignment.. due by Sunday
A bio exam to study for on monday
Precalc homework
A precalc exam on thursday
A physics exam the following monday
A bio quiz...due by tuesday
Research proposals to look up on...
Helping out to organize a Haiti relief fund/donation drive at school...

I swear, it's just too much. I'm going to focus as much as I can, even though what I really want to do is take a nap... but I'll get my butt in gear if I want to be able to go out tonight.

So i guess it's shower time for me, then bio lab report and finishing my notes for myself for bio exam!!

Ugh

-.-

What a mess

Ugh.

So frustrated right now.

My chemistry test yesterday was a complete bomb. I studied for endless hours on that thing... I'm talking about made a review for myself over the weekend, then did practice problems from the book, plus old quizzes and mastering chemistry, and in the last 7 hours before the test, dedicated myself full throttle to doing the practice exams that were posted up with some fellow classmates.

I felt like I could get a B, possibly even an A. I could maybe turn around my luck and get an A in the class over all and maybe raise my GPA just a tad bit!

And then I got to the test... and took it... and knew I failed miserably... and cried and bawled and bitched and now I'm still bitching, but I guess I'll get over it soon.

It's just upsetting that I dedicated so much time to studying for that test, even going so far as neglecting some of my other classes in order to get an excellent grade on it, and ended up failing. Not even a 50, a 47.

How pathetic.

But you know what, I'm going to focus all of this energy into acing my Bio test and doing really well on my pre-calc test next week. If I fail at one thing, I can excel in another at least.

Balance out my emotions.

This weekend really sucks... I'm excited for Friday and going out with the girls.. I haven't done that in a really long time. But my boyfriend won't be here over the weekend, which means I'm not going to really give myself a break other than Friday night. I know myself... unless I'm going to hang out with someone, I won't care to give myself a break.

Great.

Good going, right?

And on top of that, I'm just a little nervous because I haven't gotten my period...

Ayyyy.

I'm not going to elaborate on that topic. I'm still not sure how I feel about it because I want to wait on it and make sure.

So I guess we'll see, right?

Manic Monday's

How is everyone?

I'm particularly exhausted.

Went to bed last night around 3am, only to wake up at 7am to come to school for a full day of lecture until 8pm, and my day doesn't end there!! Have to continue studying for chemistry until about midnight tonight, wake up tomorrow by 9 (thank God, more than 6 hours of sleep), go meet with an old friend and chit chat, and then straight to school for another 6 hours of studying before pre-calc and then my exam.

And then...

I get to start studying for my bio and pre-calc exams next week.

Hooray!!

My agenda never ends -.-

And on top of that, my bf will be out of town, supervising a fieldtrip for his alma matter high school, so I won't really get to enjoy my weekend with breaks. Knowing myself, I'll perhaps hang out with my best friend on Friday, and spend the entire weekend studying. I'm thinking of taking my dog to the park maybe on Sunday, but I'm not sure yet... we'll see, I guess.

On the plus side, I did spend a nice weekend this weekend. Besides studying and making my own study guide for chem, and physics homework, and official bio lab reports, I got to go out and double date at Red Lobster with the boyfriend and a couple friend of ours on Saturday, and yesterday he came over all day to watch the football game, then play some PS3, and we even baked a cake together!! He was so proud of it... I appreciate him being so sweet lately. I know I haven't been in the best of moods between family matters and endless studying, but he continues to try and make me happy, so I'm thankful.

Anywho, better get back to reading. My class starts in 45 minutes and I wanted to get at least a little ahead before lecture.

And then endless amounts of Chemistry.

-.-

I'll leave you with a picture of my snookums :)

He's gotten so big, huh? Still a couple more months to grow! Mommy loves you!!


Here he is with his newly bought football jersey that daddy got him yesterday on a little shopping spree to pet toy land :)

Chemistry galore!!

It is a Saturday morning and I am currently studying.

Last night, I was home by 9:30pm.

Explain to me how a college student who should be out partying on the weekends has this kind of schedule, lol. I know, I know, the studious kind, and the one that graduates on time, but damn, sometimes it sucks.

-.-

At least I know I'm halfway through the semester and if I keep this up, I could possibly get A's and B's in all my classes, with the exception of physics... but I'll be happy if I get a C in that class, seeing as how it's so damn difficult -.-

So far, I have...

A - Bio Lab
A - Bio Lecture
A - Chem lab
B- Chem lecture (which I'm hoping to push up to an A now with this next exam).
A - Physics lab (so much better than the lecture)
C - Physics lecture
C - Precalculus (don't ask me how this has happened... I used to be extremely good at precalculus.. hopefully it improves).

So I'm looking to getting that chem lecture grade up to an A, and my precalc grade up to a B... I should be good by then. Either way, I'm not trying to make it into medical school, but I do need to maintain an overall 3.0 GPA, and unfortunately, C's drop your GPA very fast. :( College is unfair sometimes.

But anyway, better get back to studying. I'm actually thinking of going to pick up some chai or something to drink at my old store after taking a shower, and then beginning my review, but I'm not sure yet... maybe I'll just shower.

Wish me luck!!

Midnight

As usual, my night owl self is pretty wide awake and it's just midnight.

Yep, just.

I guess that's what happens to you when you take 17 credits and do research, making learning your life long 24/7 job lol. Funny enough, I only had one chai today, compared to the 2-3 I usually drink. But I'm getting to bed just a little earlier today so that I can wake up early and head to school to do some studying. I have a quiz in math tomorrow that could potentially raise me up one letter grade, so I want to make sure I get the full credit for that. I unfortunately need it :(

I did manage to get an 85 on my bio lab midterm however (without studying) and have been getting 100's on all my quizzes in every other subject, so I'm doing pretty well for myself. I have a chem exam next Tuesday which I've been studying for since Monday (hopefully will make an improvement in my score and I'll get a high B or possible low A this time), and then I also have my research presentation tomorrow at 3:30 to my research panel. It was my first powerpoint ever made, and also my first presentation, so hopefully it goes well. Better to fail at a small scale than a large one, right?

Well, let me go take out Max and it's off to bed for me!! I'm thinking breakfast at Subway tomorrow... yeah? Or maybe Einstein Bagels... yum <3

Goodnight!!

iPs Presentation MADNESS!!

Hey everyone,

So once again it is Monday, and I have been diligently working away at my studies since 8am this morning. Actually, earlier, but it doesn't really count since most of the time was spent driving..

Anywho, the point is, this week is going to be exhausting. I have my stem cell research paper to present to the my research panel on Thursday, I have tons of chemistry homework to completely in addition to creating a study guide for next week's exam, and I also have all the regular readings and homeworks of all my classes piled into the lovely mound of work I need to finish.

Fun fun.

But I feel like I manage it as long as I keep on track. I've created goals for myself to finish things every day so that come Friday, I just need to review over the weekend and perhaps get ahead in some of my readings.

Oh yes, and I forgot my formal lab reports... those are always fun.

But at least I had a wonderful weekend with my boyfriend, celebrating our 3 year anniversary <3 I miss him lots, and know that this week I have to put my foot down on my heart and tell it to hush while I work away lol. But at least I have the memories to get me through those tough times, and maybe be able to squeeze in a quick kiss sometime in the middle of the week to keep my spirits high.

I love you baby!!

:)

<3

Anniversary

So it's my 3 year anniversary with the boyfriend today, and we decided to go to Kissimee, Florida last minute at 2 in the morning last night lol. We were searching fun places to go in Florida where we could get away for a weekend, and finally decided on there since it wasn't too long of a drive, and there's plenty to do there.

So I'm leaving in about an hour with him, and I'm very excited to get away. I need a break from my family... I get frustrated with them because they don't understand many things, and don't take the time to try to accommodate to who I am. In my family, you're supposed to do everything your parents say, including getting the career they think is right for you, getting the boyfriend they think is right for you, etc. And to an extent, I believe every family is like this, but latin families are just obsessed with the idea of having the perfect child and want to make every decision for you.

Unfortunately for them, I am now 20, and make my own decisions.

Not to say I don't take their advice into consideration.

But I think it's just time to move on from this era. I'm about a year away from graduating, and 3 years with the boyfriend.. I think I'm ready for that next step. And I believe he is too, it's just that our money situation is so horrible since I am going to school full time and not working... Hopefully I get into this RISE program next summer, in which I'll be able to work about 40 hours a week doing research, then 20 hours during school time, and balance the two. Save up some money... he can save up some money... and we can get married when we graduate.

But everything takes time, so we shall see.

For now, I'm going to enjoy my weekend and not complain, because I'm blessed to have a man like him in my life :)

<3

Must've woken up on the wrong side of the bed..

I'm just not feeling it today.

I got up, and my boyfriend picked me up from my house, and I got to school, and I'm just so... blah. I mean, I'm getting my things done at least (I only have extra credit for chemistry to complete and I'm done with my list for today... probably get started on my list for tomorrow tonight) but still... it's just not a good day for me I guess.

And it doesn't help that I haven't had my chai to wake me up... I think maybe that'll put me in brighter spirits.

Until I get to my 2 hour physics class -.-'

Oh lord. Please get me through the day.

Chai, where are you?

Wonderful Weekend

Well, it's back to the slugger for me LOL.

Gotta get back on that daily grind after a wonderful birthday weekend... awesome Friday out with my friends and boyfriend, then a Saturday day in with my family... although that turned into more of an engagement celebration than my birthday celebration (my sister got engaged and decided to let everyone know on the day of my birthday... I was a little dissapointed because it became all about her, but I guess it happens to the best of us.. and I was very happy for her, so...) and then a night with my baby... and today, I went out with the boyfriend again and the dog, the sister-in-law, and her dogs to the doggy park. My baby (as in dog lol) absolutely loved it... he's so pooped he's laying on my bed right now asleep.

He never lays on my bed lol. That should tell you something.

But after such a successful weekend, it only follows that I should have a productive week ahead... especially when another weekend of celebration is coming up ahead. I'm making 3 years with my boyfriend (don't know if I told you this already, and if I did, there's a healthy reminder lol) so we are leaving for the weekend to some hotel on some beach... don't know which, don't know where. The point is to be together, relaxed, and away from everyone. I'm looking forward to it :)

So I gotta hop to all of my homework, and set up my presentation on stem cells for Parkinson's disease on Thursday... I have no idea how to make a Powerpoint, but I guess I will learn!!

Well, let's hop to it as of now, even though it's technically still the weekend lol. Better now than later!!

<3