Ah well, I haven't posted since those eager days right before school started, and apparently I've missed a lot from the blogs I've followed... I'll have to catch up on them, but probably not anytime soon. I have way too many things going on in my own life for me to be interested in someone else's life at the moment.
That was summer time.
This is school time. Lol.
But anyway, a quick update on me since I haven't written in some time....
I am currently a week into school, and it has been hectic. I was slammed with homework from day one... already by Chapter 4 in my Biology class (thank god I'm taking it as an easy A because I know the material, otherwise I would have been overwhelmed) and several other assignments spanned out across my lectures and labs.
To say the least, I haven't had time to scratch my ass. I've either been working, helping my boyfriend / spending time with my boyfriend, showering, or, as per the majority of my daily minutes, reading up on class and doing homework, or sitting in a lecture or lab actually doing the work in person and not at home. It's been stressful... if you look at my planner, it is CHOCK FULL of color... from green (school time) to yellow (work time) to purple (study time) to pink (fun time), it just barely has any white space in it.
And I needn't tell you that the pink hardly appears on there.
But I'm managing to keep up with my assignments, and not finding anything toooo difficult. My Physics class is what's worrying me at the moment, especially because it's my first time taking it, and it involves some trig that I need to brush up on... but otherwise, it's not too bad. Biology is a breeze, Chemistry isn't proving too difficult (after the survey class I took last semester for nursing), PreCalc is alright... so everything seems to me managing.
Fortunate for me, I've managed to keep organized, which is why I'm on top of my assignments, even my labs. I'm always a step ahead and have read the material for the lecture that day. It's something that I find very useful... I spend less time with "?" that on my face, and more time with "!" that lol.
But yes... and as for everything else, it's great. Love my boyfriend, love my puppy, occasionally love my family (you know how that is) (I'm just kidding, I love them all the time), and want to quit work more than ever at the moment.... I have no patience for the stupidity of people who don't know the different between nonfat milk and whole milk, and I could honestly use those 15 hours I work to catch up on sleep and to do some extra problems for class... I mean, after all, I am taking 17 credits... But I also need the money. I have to keep a steady payment on that credit card I have, so I suppose I have to suck it up for now.
Unless of course another opportunity pops up, like the one available for the RISE scholars.
Which reminds me, they're having an open forum tomorrow and I'm going to go visit. How exciting!! I hope to get into that program and become a lab assistant... higher pay and more experience in my field?
HELL TO THE YES.
Alright, so let me get back to doing some extra credit for Chemistry (and extra problems for me), and then some flashcards before Bio lecture.
I'll try to update this when time allows me, and boredom pushes me towards it.
See yaaaaa.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Bioterrorism, Diseases, and Love
Hellooooooo.
Been a while since I actually wrote anything down, but I feel like that's how it's going to be really, especially now that school is going to start. I'm not going to have time to do anything, not even enjoy my growing baby boy anymore :( He's 50 pounds already, just reached 5 months 2 days ago. Growing boy.... growing VERY BIG boy. Here he is, just yesterday.
He's my pride and joy, and looovesss to go on car rides, as you can see. I guess I got him used to that though, since I declared him my boyfriend and I's baby, so I would drive him to my boyfriend at least once a week, usually twice. He never leaves my side (he's sleeping next to my bed at the moment and just finished "showering" with me) and begs to be taken when I leave the house... I try to oblige, but not when I go to work or have other things to do. He usually tags along though, for the trivial things like picking up some food for lunch or taking someone somewhere.
Anyway, school starts in 2 weeks. I'm extremely excited, yet very nervous. I've already pressured myself into getting straight A's or if not, I'm going to kill myself LOL. I'm nervous because I feel like this is something I really want to pursue, really want to do, and I need to get excellent grades if I have any hopes of continuing on. I'm hoping to assist a professor in their lab research this fall... I have an interview with the professor this Friday, to help and volunteer in her lab in the research process for cystic fibrosis. I'm hoping that this will help put me ahead of most other biology majors looking to pursue internships next summer, and in addition, give me a solid background to work off of on my resume when I apply to the job in the CDC once I graduate. I will hopefully be in the RISE program and be paid to assist in the laboratory next fall for a year, until my graduation.... of course, if everything goes according to plan.
Everything depends on those grades.
And then, on the other hand, I have my personal life creeping up on me. Incredible that I will be 20 in just 1 short month... I had my life all set up and planned to get married around 21/22, start having kids at 24, close the factory at 29... and I feel like life is just flying me by. Just 2 years ago, it seemed distant, and now it's looming ahead like an oncoming train with no intentions of stopping for anyone. I've discussed with my boyfriend about getting married and we have a plan... of course, getting married after receiving our Bachelor's, although I feel that we might get married before he finishes his. Unfortunately (and fortunately), he's a store manager, and works 40+ hours a week, so he has to go to school part time. I'm proud of him for being so diligent and to continue forward even when hardships have come his way, and he is a source of inspiration for me there.... to continue on through the battle, knowing that the war is yet to be won.
So... perhaps getting married in about 2 years, although he should pop the question soon? If I'm not mistaken, you're supposed to be engaged about a year in order to have enough preparation to plan everything.. we'll see, I guess, lol. I'm very excited to see what he does... despite all the arguments we might have and differences, I love him with all my heart and soul, and would never switch him for anyone else nor change anything about him.... ok, maybe his stubbornness at times, LOL.
But yes... and then there's the whole question about if I get the job in Atlanta, Georgia... are we going to move up together? Even if we're not married by then? Should I go to grad school first in Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. ? (which btw, has one of the most UNIQUE programs on bioterrorism and emerging infectious diseases as a masters program.... CAN YOU SAY EXCITED?!?!). Or should I work for a year and then go to grad school, hoping to find a job in D.C. with the government??? I'm not sure exactly where I'll end up, but I know the future holds many things in store, and I'm very excited for it... especially for the part where I get paid 81k straight out of school! :)
So... lots of things to think about. But as ever the important reminder, the present is what's here, not the future. So I'm going to make the best of it, strive for perfection, love all I can, and wait for the future with open arms.
:)
see you aoon.
Been a while since I actually wrote anything down, but I feel like that's how it's going to be really, especially now that school is going to start. I'm not going to have time to do anything, not even enjoy my growing baby boy anymore :( He's 50 pounds already, just reached 5 months 2 days ago. Growing boy.... growing VERY BIG boy. Here he is, just yesterday.
He's my pride and joy, and looovesss to go on car rides, as you can see. I guess I got him used to that though, since I declared him my boyfriend and I's baby, so I would drive him to my boyfriend at least once a week, usually twice. He never leaves my side (he's sleeping next to my bed at the moment and just finished "showering" with me) and begs to be taken when I leave the house... I try to oblige, but not when I go to work or have other things to do. He usually tags along though, for the trivial things like picking up some food for lunch or taking someone somewhere.
Anyway, school starts in 2 weeks. I'm extremely excited, yet very nervous. I've already pressured myself into getting straight A's or if not, I'm going to kill myself LOL. I'm nervous because I feel like this is something I really want to pursue, really want to do, and I need to get excellent grades if I have any hopes of continuing on. I'm hoping to assist a professor in their lab research this fall... I have an interview with the professor this Friday, to help and volunteer in her lab in the research process for cystic fibrosis. I'm hoping that this will help put me ahead of most other biology majors looking to pursue internships next summer, and in addition, give me a solid background to work off of on my resume when I apply to the job in the CDC once I graduate. I will hopefully be in the RISE program and be paid to assist in the laboratory next fall for a year, until my graduation.... of course, if everything goes according to plan.
Everything depends on those grades.
And then, on the other hand, I have my personal life creeping up on me. Incredible that I will be 20 in just 1 short month... I had my life all set up and planned to get married around 21/22, start having kids at 24, close the factory at 29... and I feel like life is just flying me by. Just 2 years ago, it seemed distant, and now it's looming ahead like an oncoming train with no intentions of stopping for anyone. I've discussed with my boyfriend about getting married and we have a plan... of course, getting married after receiving our Bachelor's, although I feel that we might get married before he finishes his. Unfortunately (and fortunately), he's a store manager, and works 40+ hours a week, so he has to go to school part time. I'm proud of him for being so diligent and to continue forward even when hardships have come his way, and he is a source of inspiration for me there.... to continue on through the battle, knowing that the war is yet to be won.
So... perhaps getting married in about 2 years, although he should pop the question soon? If I'm not mistaken, you're supposed to be engaged about a year in order to have enough preparation to plan everything.. we'll see, I guess, lol. I'm very excited to see what he does... despite all the arguments we might have and differences, I love him with all my heart and soul, and would never switch him for anyone else nor change anything about him.... ok, maybe his stubbornness at times, LOL.
But yes... and then there's the whole question about if I get the job in Atlanta, Georgia... are we going to move up together? Even if we're not married by then? Should I go to grad school first in Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. ? (which btw, has one of the most UNIQUE programs on bioterrorism and emerging infectious diseases as a masters program.... CAN YOU SAY EXCITED?!?!). Or should I work for a year and then go to grad school, hoping to find a job in D.C. with the government??? I'm not sure exactly where I'll end up, but I know the future holds many things in store, and I'm very excited for it... especially for the part where I get paid 81k straight out of school! :)
So... lots of things to think about. But as ever the important reminder, the present is what's here, not the future. So I'm going to make the best of it, strive for perfection, love all I can, and wait for the future with open arms.
:)
see you aoon.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
If You Forget Me
I found this poem and am in love with it... enjoy.
If You Forget Me
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda
If You Forget Me
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Commence Hell :)
Helloooo.
Wow, been a while since I posted.
Wellll... I'm back from my vacation finally (and sadly). I arrived on Thursday (it's currently Sunday) and I couldn't have had a better time... except for maybe some avoided fights and some awkward moments, but what can you do? It's human nature to quarrel. Either way, i really enjoyed my time sipping drinks, getting drunk, eating like a pig at buffets (and like a proper young lady at the gourmet restaurants at night), tanning, the beach and the pool, the amazingly nice people, and the excursions that we went on. I went swimming with the dolphins, something I highly recommend and loved and would do again. I also went horseback riding on the beach, which I've been wanting to do for quite some time... and it was nice because I got to go as fast as I wanted, so I cantered (not full galloped lol) on the beach next to the amazingly blue ocean, and I couldn't have felt more at home. I also went on this weird underwater thing that they put an oxygen mask on your head (sort of) and you go down to the base of the sea (not too far, maybe 20 feet) and walk the ocean floor... that was great. I wish I could do it all the time... I felt like the mermaid I should have been born as, lol.
So I definitely got to enjoy my favorite place in the world... the ocean. And I also got to enjoy time with my boyfriend and his family... we had our differences, but more often than not, were back to being absolutely romantic with each other and like we were first dating again (except we slept in the same bed at night lol!). It really was lovely... and it was even lovelier when he texted me the night we got back and told me he missed me and his bed was empty (go ahead and call me sappy, but it makes me happy to know he misses me just as much as I was missing him).
School is around the corner... I already signed up for my classes, and this semester, as well as next spring, are going to be absolute HELL for me.... but if I bust my ass for the next 9 months, I'm going to enjoy a much smoother last year of college to finish getting my BA in Biology and then see where I go from there. Here's my schedule for Fall:
Monday:
8am to 8pm I'll be in school... yes... a whole 12 FREAKING HOURS. I have max 2 hour breaks inbetween, but usually only an hour break inbetween my lectures and my labs.
Tuesday:
I'll be working anywhere from 4:30am to 3pm, and then I have class from 6:25 to 8:15.
Wends:
11am to 8pm in school... another hectic day, but at least I can sleep a bit more...
Thursday:
Same as Tuesday
Fri:
Same as Wends, except I get out at 5pm instead of 8pm...
And keep in mind that me and my boyfriend are beginning a workout regime, so I'll be hitting the gym from 9pm to 10pm Monday through Thursday nights... so FML. I'll be in shape, but I'm going to be exhausted... especially Monday's since my day begins at 7am (to get up and get ready) and doesn't end until 10pm at the gym... (and even then, I have to come home, shower, and study if possible).
Soo... it might be hectic, but I'm actually looking forward to school. It's not going to be easy... I'll be taking Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and Pre-Calculus... but I am confident that I can pull through. And if I can get excellent grades this semester, I'll be sure to ace Spring semester, since it's the same classes, just the second half (and harder) version of the ones I'll be taking now, with the exception of Pre-Calc, in which I'll be entering Calc 1.
So there's an update of my life... unfortunately I'm still working at the Bux, and will be for a long time until I manage to get my job as a research lab assistant I suppose... but at least it's a job, even if I do have to wake my ass up at 4am to go serve coffee.... stupid corporate America and their early times.
-.-
Well, I'm going to go play with my baby... he's grown so big! 4 months, 40 pounds, and growing!! He's a Great Dane mixed with Lab, so he'll be a big boy!!
:)
Have fun, whatever youre doing in the world.
<3
Wow, been a while since I posted.
Wellll... I'm back from my vacation finally (and sadly). I arrived on Thursday (it's currently Sunday) and I couldn't have had a better time... except for maybe some avoided fights and some awkward moments, but what can you do? It's human nature to quarrel. Either way, i really enjoyed my time sipping drinks, getting drunk, eating like a pig at buffets (and like a proper young lady at the gourmet restaurants at night), tanning, the beach and the pool, the amazingly nice people, and the excursions that we went on. I went swimming with the dolphins, something I highly recommend and loved and would do again. I also went horseback riding on the beach, which I've been wanting to do for quite some time... and it was nice because I got to go as fast as I wanted, so I cantered (not full galloped lol) on the beach next to the amazingly blue ocean, and I couldn't have felt more at home. I also went on this weird underwater thing that they put an oxygen mask on your head (sort of) and you go down to the base of the sea (not too far, maybe 20 feet) and walk the ocean floor... that was great. I wish I could do it all the time... I felt like the mermaid I should have been born as, lol.
So I definitely got to enjoy my favorite place in the world... the ocean. And I also got to enjoy time with my boyfriend and his family... we had our differences, but more often than not, were back to being absolutely romantic with each other and like we were first dating again (except we slept in the same bed at night lol!). It really was lovely... and it was even lovelier when he texted me the night we got back and told me he missed me and his bed was empty (go ahead and call me sappy, but it makes me happy to know he misses me just as much as I was missing him).
School is around the corner... I already signed up for my classes, and this semester, as well as next spring, are going to be absolute HELL for me.... but if I bust my ass for the next 9 months, I'm going to enjoy a much smoother last year of college to finish getting my BA in Biology and then see where I go from there. Here's my schedule for Fall:
Monday:
8am to 8pm I'll be in school... yes... a whole 12 FREAKING HOURS. I have max 2 hour breaks inbetween, but usually only an hour break inbetween my lectures and my labs.
Tuesday:
I'll be working anywhere from 4:30am to 3pm, and then I have class from 6:25 to 8:15.
Wends:
11am to 8pm in school... another hectic day, but at least I can sleep a bit more...
Thursday:
Same as Tuesday
Fri:
Same as Wends, except I get out at 5pm instead of 8pm...
And keep in mind that me and my boyfriend are beginning a workout regime, so I'll be hitting the gym from 9pm to 10pm Monday through Thursday nights... so FML. I'll be in shape, but I'm going to be exhausted... especially Monday's since my day begins at 7am (to get up and get ready) and doesn't end until 10pm at the gym... (and even then, I have to come home, shower, and study if possible).
Soo... it might be hectic, but I'm actually looking forward to school. It's not going to be easy... I'll be taking Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and Pre-Calculus... but I am confident that I can pull through. And if I can get excellent grades this semester, I'll be sure to ace Spring semester, since it's the same classes, just the second half (and harder) version of the ones I'll be taking now, with the exception of Pre-Calc, in which I'll be entering Calc 1.
So there's an update of my life... unfortunately I'm still working at the Bux, and will be for a long time until I manage to get my job as a research lab assistant I suppose... but at least it's a job, even if I do have to wake my ass up at 4am to go serve coffee.... stupid corporate America and their early times.
-.-
Well, I'm going to go play with my baby... he's grown so big! 4 months, 40 pounds, and growing!! He's a Great Dane mixed with Lab, so he'll be a big boy!!
:)
Have fun, whatever youre doing in the world.
<3
Monday, July 12, 2010
Just a recap..
Hey everyone,
So today is actually a pretty good day for me. For once, I'm not upset, overly joyous, or morbid. I'm complacent, lol. I just finished putting a load in the drier and in the washing machine, after working in the morning and taking a nice nap. I went yesterday with my boyfriend and his friends to see the final game of the World Cup on South Beach... most interestning experience I've ever had... I enjoy partying, but good gracious, those people were crazy!! i was drenched in beer, sweating like a maniac, hot as hell, almost had a heat stroke, and had to avoid stepping on glass, but like my boyfriend said... it only comes around every 4 years, so I guess I had to enjoy it to the fullest!!
I'm currently waiting on an email from a prospective employer... had my interview last week, think it went great. I'll be a behavioral therapist, like my best friend Mel, if I happen to get the job, which I'm very excited for. It pays almost 2 dollars more than my current job at Sbux, and although I'll be working with autistic kids, it'll be so much better than working for adults who can't open their own packets of splenda. At my current job, there's an amazing amount of laziness. If I happen to get this job (being positive!), there will be (sometimes) willingness to learn, but at least I know it's kids and not adults... they don't always make their own decisions for the best, especially when they're kids. But from the stories I've heard, autistic kids are very eager to please, and just have so much energy... it will be refreshing to work for something new, for higher pay, and for a much more rewarding job than "10 SPLENDA LATTE, COMING RIGHT UP!'
Don't get my wrong, I love the people I work with at my job. My co-workers are amazing, and like a second family. My boss is like a second dad to me, I can tell him all my problems and he'll give me advice without speaking about it to anybody else... very confidential. And the rest of my co-workers are pretty good friends, one even pretty close that I usually go to when I'm having deep relationship problems... one who has taught me to have more faith in God, even in the good times... So I'm thankful for them. But the people I work FOR... not so much. It just amazes me the amount of laziness that adults exhibit, especially here in Miami. They want their sugar put in for them, and their latte's and frappucino's done in a matter of seconds when I've got a line of about 20 drinks and I'm spitting them out as fast as I can without ruining the quality of the drink. So... it's an exhausting job, albeit, sometimes rewarding. I do have a few special customers I see on a daily basis, who are just so sweet, and I go out of my way to have their drink ready for them before they get to the register, even if there are people in front, just because of how nice and exceptionally well mannered they are with me. It's nice to be treated like a person and not a slave, just because you're behind a bar and wearing a green apron.
Anywho, my parents are away in Tenn. and they took my beloved puppy with them... Max is growing so big, and his ears are standing already. The shelter made a huge mistake IDing him... he is most definitely about 75% mixture of Great Dane... we've had him for barely 2 months and he's grown like... on an exponential scale. It amazes me how quickly a puppy becomes an adult dog... I wonder if this is how I'll feel about my kids. I'm going to try my best to be a stay at home mom for the first 6 months at least... but yes, I miss my Maxy Waxy. And his daddy (my boyfriend) misses him terribly too. I used to take him at least twice a week to my boyfriend's house, and we both miss him very much. I can't wait till he gets back... in 3 more wretched weeks :(
On a brighter note, I leave on my vacation next wends!! Going to an all inclusive resort in Punta Cana... drinking, vegetating, tanning, and sex here and there :p Hahaha.. I know, you didn't have to know the last part. But anyway, I'm excited to go. I need to go get another bathing suit sometime this week, as well as a couple more dresses because the restaurants at night are fancy and require dresses, lol. I'm very very very excited.
:)
Well, gotta go check on my clothes. I shall write to you soon.
Take care.
So today is actually a pretty good day for me. For once, I'm not upset, overly joyous, or morbid. I'm complacent, lol. I just finished putting a load in the drier and in the washing machine, after working in the morning and taking a nice nap. I went yesterday with my boyfriend and his friends to see the final game of the World Cup on South Beach... most interestning experience I've ever had... I enjoy partying, but good gracious, those people were crazy!! i was drenched in beer, sweating like a maniac, hot as hell, almost had a heat stroke, and had to avoid stepping on glass, but like my boyfriend said... it only comes around every 4 years, so I guess I had to enjoy it to the fullest!!
I'm currently waiting on an email from a prospective employer... had my interview last week, think it went great. I'll be a behavioral therapist, like my best friend Mel, if I happen to get the job, which I'm very excited for. It pays almost 2 dollars more than my current job at Sbux, and although I'll be working with autistic kids, it'll be so much better than working for adults who can't open their own packets of splenda. At my current job, there's an amazing amount of laziness. If I happen to get this job (being positive!), there will be (sometimes) willingness to learn, but at least I know it's kids and not adults... they don't always make their own decisions for the best, especially when they're kids. But from the stories I've heard, autistic kids are very eager to please, and just have so much energy... it will be refreshing to work for something new, for higher pay, and for a much more rewarding job than "10 SPLENDA LATTE, COMING RIGHT UP!'
Don't get my wrong, I love the people I work with at my job. My co-workers are amazing, and like a second family. My boss is like a second dad to me, I can tell him all my problems and he'll give me advice without speaking about it to anybody else... very confidential. And the rest of my co-workers are pretty good friends, one even pretty close that I usually go to when I'm having deep relationship problems... one who has taught me to have more faith in God, even in the good times... So I'm thankful for them. But the people I work FOR... not so much. It just amazes me the amount of laziness that adults exhibit, especially here in Miami. They want their sugar put in for them, and their latte's and frappucino's done in a matter of seconds when I've got a line of about 20 drinks and I'm spitting them out as fast as I can without ruining the quality of the drink. So... it's an exhausting job, albeit, sometimes rewarding. I do have a few special customers I see on a daily basis, who are just so sweet, and I go out of my way to have their drink ready for them before they get to the register, even if there are people in front, just because of how nice and exceptionally well mannered they are with me. It's nice to be treated like a person and not a slave, just because you're behind a bar and wearing a green apron.
Anywho, my parents are away in Tenn. and they took my beloved puppy with them... Max is growing so big, and his ears are standing already. The shelter made a huge mistake IDing him... he is most definitely about 75% mixture of Great Dane... we've had him for barely 2 months and he's grown like... on an exponential scale. It amazes me how quickly a puppy becomes an adult dog... I wonder if this is how I'll feel about my kids. I'm going to try my best to be a stay at home mom for the first 6 months at least... but yes, I miss my Maxy Waxy. And his daddy (my boyfriend) misses him terribly too. I used to take him at least twice a week to my boyfriend's house, and we both miss him very much. I can't wait till he gets back... in 3 more wretched weeks :(
On a brighter note, I leave on my vacation next wends!! Going to an all inclusive resort in Punta Cana... drinking, vegetating, tanning, and sex here and there :p Hahaha.. I know, you didn't have to know the last part. But anyway, I'm excited to go. I need to go get another bathing suit sometime this week, as well as a couple more dresses because the restaurants at night are fancy and require dresses, lol. I'm very very very excited.
:)
Well, gotta go check on my clothes. I shall write to you soon.
Take care.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Been a While
Ahh... it's been some time since I've written on here. Not like anybody cares, I don't have any followers... I think I have 1, maybe? And they probably subscribe to plenty as it is already, so, as always, this post is more for me than for anyone else.
How can I explain that I am tired of the same crap happening in my life?
I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of being taken for granted, I'm tired of being disrespected, I'm tired of my job...
I need such a huge change of scenery... sometimes I wonder if transferring far away to another school is a good idea, despite the debt I'll get in. I know that it's only running away from my problems, but really... I think it would be a relief for me. I think maybe I'll do a foreign exchange program, where I can get away for a semester and not have to deal with the lies, deceit and just plain bullshit, and I'll come back much revived, and maybe even inspired to move on with my life?
Honestly, I don't know how I swallow so much bullshit. I sit back and think to myself that sometimes I'm a bit too soft.... I get angry, then I think of God's forgiveness, try to implement that in myself and to be a better person, and to either forgive the opposing party, or, if it's the case that I'm correct and they're wrong (but they won't budge) to set my pride aside and to apologize for something that I haven't even done.
I really wish sometimes that people would put down THEIR pride and apologize for the mistakes that they have made. I'm so tired of putting myself under others, that I think years of repressed anger are starting to come out, and it's not pretty. Whether it's finally snapping back at my mother after she's nagged me for the hundredth time about something and setting her in her place (and OF COURSE, later apologizing for it), or snapping at my boyfriend for anger management that he can't seem to hold down, or customers at my job for being such idiots that they can't open their own damn packets of splenda (I'm not your bitch, just serving your coffee),....
I think i need my vacation.
Asap.
Pronto.
NOW.
How can I explain that I am tired of the same crap happening in my life?
I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of being taken for granted, I'm tired of being disrespected, I'm tired of my job...
I need such a huge change of scenery... sometimes I wonder if transferring far away to another school is a good idea, despite the debt I'll get in. I know that it's only running away from my problems, but really... I think it would be a relief for me. I think maybe I'll do a foreign exchange program, where I can get away for a semester and not have to deal with the lies, deceit and just plain bullshit, and I'll come back much revived, and maybe even inspired to move on with my life?
Honestly, I don't know how I swallow so much bullshit. I sit back and think to myself that sometimes I'm a bit too soft.... I get angry, then I think of God's forgiveness, try to implement that in myself and to be a better person, and to either forgive the opposing party, or, if it's the case that I'm correct and they're wrong (but they won't budge) to set my pride aside and to apologize for something that I haven't even done.
I really wish sometimes that people would put down THEIR pride and apologize for the mistakes that they have made. I'm so tired of putting myself under others, that I think years of repressed anger are starting to come out, and it's not pretty. Whether it's finally snapping back at my mother after she's nagged me for the hundredth time about something and setting her in her place (and OF COURSE, later apologizing for it), or snapping at my boyfriend for anger management that he can't seem to hold down, or customers at my job for being such idiots that they can't open their own damn packets of splenda (I'm not your bitch, just serving your coffee),....
I think i need my vacation.
Asap.
Pronto.
NOW.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Lonely
Ok, so this blog today is more about a lot of questions than wanting to vent anything.. I feel lost and confused and lonely, and yet, as lonely as I feel, I just want to be alone and I don't know why. I'm gonna meet up with my friend and have a conversation with him tonight about everything that's going on, but as usual, I just feeling like crying and I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm moving from one stage into another in my life, or if I'm just confused where I'm standing and need a little shove in the right direction. I know that the decisions I've made have led me to where I am right now, and that God has no fault in this at all, because He is a God of free will, but at the same time, I can't help but want a little guidance right now, especially in my... well, nowhere in general, just life itself.
I sort of broke up with my boyfriend, once again, as always happens, but this time, I don't find myself running back to him constantly to ask him why, and to get back with me, and for us to just be happy again. That I want to be happy with him? Yes, with all my heart. With all my heart, i wish we could go back to those weeks right before, during and after Boston, where he was the biggest sweetheart of life and cherished and adored me every second of every day. He constantly texted me that he loved me, and he constantly reminded me that I was the girl of his dreams, and I was so utterly happy where I was... in a great relationship, happy to just exist and happy to just be with him. And then everything comes crumbling down because the past can never stay where it is meant to stay... the past. He was so happy with me, and went from happy to completely turned off the next day, and although we've seen each other and things have gotten better, I can't help but miss that perfect time we were having together and wonder if it's going to come back. This has happened to me so many times already in the course of our relationship, and all because I could not be patient at the beginning, but for everything that I have done to reconcile what has happened and what I have done in the past, nothing ever makes it right. And I suppose that is how it should be... two wrongs don't make a right, and neither does a right make a wrong, right. But I don't believe that I should pay for my mistakes endlessly. I feel that when you try and try at something, there should be a point where you succeed, whether you attain your goal or not, and no matter what I do, I feel like a failure, and it hurts and it sucks and I wish it would just go away.
And then, it doesn't help that it seems like the world is against me lately. My parents... well, my dad doesn't say much, but my mom nags me endlessly about why he hasn't come over, and why he's doing this again, and why aren't we a normal couple, and why aren't we more like a serious couple who spend time with their family, and it frustrates me SO MUCH, because before my family comes in the picture, it's about the RELATIONSHIP. First and foremost, it is about me and him, and it just doesn't seem to happen like that. I wish I could move out so my mother wouldn't know what's going on, and I wouldn't be asked every weekend why my boyfriend isn't coming over and having to lie to say that he's working (although most of the time he is).
I just miss the normalcy that was finally developing after so much time of being awkward.
And I wonder sometimes, that if we are bound to make mistakes, are we forever bound to the reprimands that come from them? Or is there a chance at being in the right, of learning your lesson and continuing with your life and being happier than before, when the mistake is hardly a crime at all?
Just food for thought.
:(
I sort of broke up with my boyfriend, once again, as always happens, but this time, I don't find myself running back to him constantly to ask him why, and to get back with me, and for us to just be happy again. That I want to be happy with him? Yes, with all my heart. With all my heart, i wish we could go back to those weeks right before, during and after Boston, where he was the biggest sweetheart of life and cherished and adored me every second of every day. He constantly texted me that he loved me, and he constantly reminded me that I was the girl of his dreams, and I was so utterly happy where I was... in a great relationship, happy to just exist and happy to just be with him. And then everything comes crumbling down because the past can never stay where it is meant to stay... the past. He was so happy with me, and went from happy to completely turned off the next day, and although we've seen each other and things have gotten better, I can't help but miss that perfect time we were having together and wonder if it's going to come back. This has happened to me so many times already in the course of our relationship, and all because I could not be patient at the beginning, but for everything that I have done to reconcile what has happened and what I have done in the past, nothing ever makes it right. And I suppose that is how it should be... two wrongs don't make a right, and neither does a right make a wrong, right. But I don't believe that I should pay for my mistakes endlessly. I feel that when you try and try at something, there should be a point where you succeed, whether you attain your goal or not, and no matter what I do, I feel like a failure, and it hurts and it sucks and I wish it would just go away.
And then, it doesn't help that it seems like the world is against me lately. My parents... well, my dad doesn't say much, but my mom nags me endlessly about why he hasn't come over, and why he's doing this again, and why aren't we a normal couple, and why aren't we more like a serious couple who spend time with their family, and it frustrates me SO MUCH, because before my family comes in the picture, it's about the RELATIONSHIP. First and foremost, it is about me and him, and it just doesn't seem to happen like that. I wish I could move out so my mother wouldn't know what's going on, and I wouldn't be asked every weekend why my boyfriend isn't coming over and having to lie to say that he's working (although most of the time he is).
I just miss the normalcy that was finally developing after so much time of being awkward.
And I wonder sometimes, that if we are bound to make mistakes, are we forever bound to the reprimands that come from them? Or is there a chance at being in the right, of learning your lesson and continuing with your life and being happier than before, when the mistake is hardly a crime at all?
Just food for thought.
:(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)