Going Crazy

Ahhhh.

It's been a while since I've blogged, and I think that it's time that I should regularly start doing so again.

I'm so frustrated with life. I don't know in which direction I'm headed anymore, and could honestly knock on life's door and not know that what's on the other side is meant for me.

I know that I'm a dramatic person, and in retrospect of my blogs and of my actions these past couple of years, I've grown a lot. But I'm never going to be perfect, and this I've come to accept. Instead, I work towards the next attainable goal and am happy when I reach it and set my next goal that is not far off. I have belief in the things in which I wish to persevere, yet other people do not. And it makes me so mad that the world has turned some people's hearts into stone.

Me and my boyfriend may have a lot of problems, and we may have broken up for the moment, but we did it for the best intentions and to better ourselves in the long run because we understand that our relationship needs time apart, that we rushed into things a little too fast, and that we are unhappy where we are. I choose to tell a very select amount of people about these things, and some I don't, and it just frustrates me so much that some people are so negative about things.

"But you know, everything isn't always a fairytale. It's not going to end up the way you thought it would.... You guys fight too much, it's not meant to be..." and all this crap... how do YOU know? Are you in my shoes? Are you physically living my life? Are you there when we're in eachother's arms and confessing that we love eachother despite the amount of hard headedness we might have, and the differences we may have? Are you there when we fight and then laugh about the stupidity of our fight and continue on with our day? Were you there when we took that amazing trip to Boston and had such a great time? I DON'T THINK SO. THEN SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

I refuse to ask for advice anymore, except from God. And I know that he may not answer me right away, and usually answers in riddles rather that in straight words or actions, but at least I can count on him being supportive of everything that goes on in my life.

I think I'm done.

I'm tired.

I want things back the way they used to be, yet I've accepted that they won't be that way for a while, and I'm upset about it and finally letting tears go over the matter, even though it's been going on for a month. But I know that he is there for me, nonetheless, calling me and texting me every day to see how I am doing and what's going on.

I wish I could keep my weaknesses to myself, but sometimes I feel like I'm alone, and it just fucking sucks.

:(

This weather is making me depressed. I think I'll blog tomorrow, and hopefully on a lighter note.

<3